5 MIN READ
PM CONCEPT: Realization of Your Target Benefits & the Plan Forward
On the day after Christmas, I was one of the few poor souls that had to make it in to the office. I’d much rather be at home. This 2-week period of time is generally our family time, but I was slam out of vacay days. I came home from work excited to see my family, but when I walked in, I got very little fanfare. I had been so excited to spend time with them, but I didn’t see that same level of excitement when I got home. For the most part, everyone stuck to what they were doing on the TV, tablet, game counsel, and/or phone with a “Hello” or a head nod. Well, at least my husband asked about my day. However, all retreated pretty much right after that. My feelings were hurt. I was super disappointed. They hadn’t come running to the door to greet me. Didn’t they want to spend as much time with me as I wanted to spend with them?
Or maybe there’s another train of thought.
Have I been out here conquering the world so long that they have learned to get along without me??
So, what do I do now?
Here’s What I Tried:
1. Guilt Them
My daughter came into the room, new Karaoke microphone from Christmas in hand, for a mock interview.
HER: “So Mom… how is it living here in this house?”
ME: “It’s not that much fun when you all are spread out throughout the house and don’t want to interact with one another as a family.”
HER: “Ooookay… See ya!”
… and literally ran from the room!! My 9-year old child just fled my presence! Good Lord… clearly that wasn’t the right approach.
2. Have a Pity- Party
Hubby asked 3 times, “What’s wrong?” and I said “Nothing”. Instead I moped pitifully around the house looking for anyone to think that my being home was a big deal and that now was the time to have fun and play. When I told him the real deal of my disappointment, he had a “deer in the headlights” look. Poor thing clearly didn’t know what to do with nor about that piece of information. Rather than make a scene, I decided to announce I was going to bed. Still unclear on how to navigate these waters, my husband looked at me for a second and then said, “Ok… do you want to have the bedroom, and I go downstairs?” I sighed, “No, don’t worry about… I’m cool”. My pity party conjured up a lot a pity, but not much movement in the direction I wanted it to go. Change of plans.
3. Blame Game
So upon my early retirement to bed, I began to think of all the things that were standing in the way of my family not wanting to spend time with me. The devices, other people on the phone, TV, and whatever else had their attention. These were now my sworn enemies!! A couple of scenarios played out in my head. Pause the internet to all devices. Conveniently knock the phone out of one’s hand and the screen cracks. Whine & complain that they ALWAYS spend time with other people, and NEVER spend time with me – See point #1 above.
All of these behaviors simply force my will onto them. Quality time with family is important, but should not be forced. It kinda takes the “Quality” out of Quality time. So instead, one should spend a little time reflecting and understanding the new space you are in. One that you didn’t even recognize, but have long stated you couldn’t wait to get there. You remember saying this right?
“Aghh!! I can’t wait until they aren’t CONSTANTLY calling my name!!”
Well, Chica! Surprise and Welcome! You have arrived! You have finally gotten your family to a state of self-sufficiency that doesn’t require your every waking moment be about them.
Now, with that realization in hand, let’s move on to some more productive steps to help you through this transition:
4. Date yourself!!!
Get to know you again… let the person you were before the baby spit-up, school projects, and football practices meet the woman you’ve grown into as a result of those experiences. Pre-Mommy may be a long-lost friend that you enjoy sitting with for hours. Or you might find that she is great to catch up with, but she’s best left in the past. Either way, you are finding you again – what you like and what you’re interested in. Now put that information to good use!
5. Don’t Talk About It, Be About it!!
Now’s your time. You’ve complained and longed for “me-time” for far too long. And in the process, you’ve started to believe your own hype. You’re a martyr of a mother that sacrifices for others at all times, and it’s become your badge of honor. Well, I hate to break it to you, but it is likely a played-out story to those around you. Start a new story with a happier ending. In this story you can: focus on your health, or conquer a fear, or uncover a new passion. The world is your oyster! Begin to explore and grow this new side of you.
Here are a few ideas to get you started…
- You used to love to curl up with a good book and a glass of wine before your diaper-changing days, but stopped because you were just too tired. Well, look into Audible! Now you don’t have to sit and read a book, you can listen to someone else read to you… luxury at its finest!!
- You loved to shop before the kids, the mortgage, and the bills, well… open up that wallet and look at all those gift cards and coupons you’ve been saving for a rainy day… Well, girlfriend! Today’s your rainy day and it’s time to go shopping without breaking the budget!!
Side Note: YOU CAN NOT BUY ANYTHING FOR THE KIDS!
- Redesign a room in your home… preferably a space that’s just for you. Your family has staked out their space and settled in nicely while you were out there conquering the world… now it’s time for you to carve out a little space too. You can now afford Me-time again! Maybe the home office or 5th bedroom gets a dual purpose – your place of fun, peace, and solitude could also be the family’s place for occasional guests and monthly bill pay.
- Initiate invitations to girlfriends that you’ve long been saying you’re going to catch up with. Reach out and set a date!
- Find a Spiritual Advisor that you trust & enjoy hearing and subscribe to their YouTube Channel. Use your extra time to increase your faith and spiritual understanding. Bring you and your life back to the center to help you focus on what’s truly important in life.
At some point in time, every mother will find the day that her family isn’t nearly as dependent upon her as she’s grown used to. Oftentimes, she’s the last to know. So instead of seeing this as a loss filled with guilt, pity, and blame that you spew at your family, see it as an awakening and reemergence of you.
You’ve done well as a working mom!! You’ve realized one of the benefits of being a mom. Self-sufficiency! And now’s your time for reward and plans forward – a new space, a new hobby, a passion reignited, or a friend re-connected. All of these rewards are now yours for the taking. Don’t be afraid to embrace it!
